I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
