WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
