Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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