I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
