I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
