If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
