I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
