using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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