What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
