dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
