I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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