Apparently you make a good broom.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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