I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
