Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
