I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
