Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
