Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
