we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
smell my finger.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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