I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
