Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
