If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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