cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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