Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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