dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
