thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
