My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
