i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Randomize
