I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
