Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
