Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
