I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
