i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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