The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
