If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
