I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
