oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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