Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
