at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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