I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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