i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
