dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Randomize
