just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
