and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
