never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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