fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
