i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
