Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
