i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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