i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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