just come out here and I will go home with you...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
ttyl tear gas
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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