he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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